An excerpt from ex-gay Alan Medinger’s book Growth Into Manhood: Resuming the Journey
“I am a man and I look to find my completion in woman. But what if a man does not have the inner sense that he is a man? Will he experience the same attractions to a woman? Will she be his “other”? No, and this is critical. If he feels that he is not complete as a man, his first longing will be not for women but for complete manhood; he will be drawn to the masculine in other males. This will be his “other.” This will be his missing rib. This will be his means of attaining completion. It follows, then, that the development of our manhood – finding completion in ourselves – will do great things both to decrease our same-sex attractions and to start drawing us sexually to women.
I said that our incomplete male identity, besides determining the direction of our sexual attractions, is also the engine that drives our homosexual behavior. The enormous power of the homosexual drive is seen in the incredibly foolish, even insane, things that many homosexual men will do to make some kind of contact with maleness. What causes an otherwise sensible man to pick up a tough looking young stranger and take him to his apartment, knowing full well he risks being robbed and beaten or even worse? Why does an intelligent, married business or professional man risk arrest and public humiliation by making sexual contact with another man in a public restroom? Why did I repeatedly go into a gay bar on a main thoroughfare in Baltimore knowing I could be seen by anyone and have my whole deception uncovered?
We did these things because of the enormity of the craving within us. We were driven to make some kind of contact with anything that represented or symbolized maleness: a hard tough look, muscles, a man’s penis. These were symbols of manhood – the manhood that we did not have – and we were driven, often obsessively, to gaze on them, touch them, smell them, taste them, become one with them in some way. Our incomplete manhood cried out for this; cried out for its missing elements.
Author Leanne Payne illustrates this craving for manhood with her cannibalism theory. In her book The Broken Image, Leanne Payne describes how cannibals eat only the people they admire, believing that by eating them they can acquire some of their traits. This “consuming” drive for manhood in the homosexual male becomes obvious: a man who feels he lacks complete manhood satisfies his need for it through his homosexual behavior, hoping to acquire some of the other man’s manhood.”
Alan Medinger’s book “Growth Into Manhood: Resuming the Journey” is available on www.amazon.com