For Us

Hi Everyone,

 

I lived a homosexual life in the 1970’s. No one knew it except for other people in homosexuality. The women that was my partner left her previous partner of 8 years for me while her partner was in the hospital. I thought:  how is that any different than what regular couples do to each other.

 

I was delivered from homosexuality in 1979. It was ugly. This women who I had been with wasn't mad because I left her, it was because I left her for a man. She kept my little girl’s toys and stuff and was telling people things that weren't true. What was funny then was she didn't mind that I went and had sex with a guy. Cause she was having sex with a man to get pregnant. So it was ok to cheat on each other -- just never leave her.

 

Just after 9-11 happened, one of my sisters was telling me how if the draft went into effect that she was going to tell her son to say he was gay so they wouldn't take him. Without telling her about my past I tried to tell her that wouldn't be a good idea to mark him like that. Before I knew it I was telling her about what I had done. My relationship with my sister has not been the same. Now she tells me I need to accept who I really am – supposedly gay!

 

2 - 4 years ago I told my now husband and kids and grandkids. I had been helping in a group
for people who wanted out of homosexuality and felt I was leading two separate lives by staying closeted as an ex-gay.  God had truly put me with a wonderful man. To this day he is very supportive of the Homosexuals Anonymous group that I talk with. My kids tell me we have all made mistakes.  And when someone tells them they are thinking about the gay lifestyle, my family gives them my name and phone number.

 

I do know it's not an easy road to go down, to tell people about being ex-gay. Then I wonder what if the Paul the apostle had kept quiet about being forgiven from killing Christians. Just last night God had me reading:

1 Corinthians 6: 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the spirit of our God.

I thought I was condemned forever until I was shown that verse about 10 years ago.  God is in saving everyone that wants to be saved and follow HIM. He is there everytime I want to give up or the world says it's ok, that's how God made you.

It wasn't easy for me to do these things and I still would like to crawl under a rock at times. At the end of the day, if I allow Him, I can hear Him say, I am His.

 

Smile like you're dancing with Jesus

I became so advanced in my heterosexual sins that I often seemed one small step from homosexuality.  I used to encounter transexuals in the strip clubs in the city I live in. I didn't actively pursue them, but was fooled twice.  I was also fooled once on the street. At the end of the line I saw that taking the next step would only be a matter of making a decision. I had seen enough gay pornography to become desensitized to its nature, or unnature. I even contemplated becoming a male prostitute out of desire for "extra" money.

 

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

 

-- Dave

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I am a person who was molested as a 9 year old by an older male.  Naturally when I grew up the prospect of another experience with another male was exciting.  That was my first sexual experience after all.  How can I erase that first experience?  I can't of course. 

 

Living through this has opened my eyes.  Sex is a special category of the human experience.  Gays know that if you think about something or someone long enough sexually you can achieve excitement.  Gays also know, though few will admit, that arousal is the goal.  Any means to achieve that elevated state is embraced.  This is where some rather bizarre behaviors occur:  "golden showers", "scatting", cross dressing, etc are included.  Whatever results in the aroused state is embraced.  Arousal is god.  Gays know that you can "play games" with your brain to find those behaviors that result in peak arousal.  It is possible to misuse our bodies and minds. Hello? Orgasm does not justify anything. 

 

I have known men who swear they have always been attracted to men but I know that some of them were also molested as boys by older "boys".  Childhood molestation gay men will not admit because that would weaken the "born that way" justification.  Privileged liberals fortunate enough to be raised in neighborhoods without perversion and molestation have no comprehension of the darker, depraved states of mind arousal junkies live in. Hurray for PFOX!  The more they try to destroy you, the more people will realize who the liars are. 

 

n      Michael

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My wife mentioned once that she went to her mom when she was in 6th grade and said "I don't like boys, is there something wrong with me?"  Her mom essentially said "no, and you will....you are still young and many 12 year olds are not interested in the opposite sex yet". 

 

We speculated that her mother could have very easily turned her into a lesbian at that moment, she agrees that she would have been inclined to listen to the wisdom of her mother had she turned the conversation in that direction like some parents now may have.  Had she done that, there is a good chance we would not be happily married with two beautiful children.

-- Dan

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I am 45 years old, and have, in the last 5 or so years, come to identify as straight. From the time I was 15 (when a guy pushed himself on me for sex) until I was about 44, I identified as gay. But I began fantasizing about women sexually a little bit, about 5 years ago. Just a little at first, until that was all I thought about. No therapeutic program or religious program helped to change me. I believe that what changed, was that when I was 35, I got a job in management of a dept. of engineering technicians. All the men I managed were very masculine. Secretly I wanted to have sex with a lot of them at first. But I had to "act" the part of being a confident, masculine man. After a couple of years of that, hanging out with the other guys at a sports bar after work (that was the routine), and developing good friendships with them, I noticed changes. 

 

I actually began to be more confident. I began to have vague attractions toward women. I began to not be attracted to the men I worked with, but began to feel like "one of the guys". The heterosexual feeling grew to the point that I had to act on them. I finally met a woman who knows all about my gay past, and she is fine with it. I found I could sexually function with her. The intimate satisfaction I have with her is physically and psychologically WAY better than I ever had with men. I used to believe I was born gay. I had no desire at all to be straight; I was fine with being gay. I am glad I changed, and I believe what changed me was a re-orientation effect of relating to masculine men in a friendly, non-sexual way. I don't know if this would work for other gay guys, but it sure did for me.

 

--Matthew

 

Do you have an ex-gay story to tell?  Send to PFOX at pfox@pfox.org and we will include it in the next issue of For Us.  Let the redeemed of the Lord say so!