May 1, 2009
Gay lobby protests ex-gay event
Protest 'Sex and the City Conference'
By David W. Virtue in London
I am huddled inside the doorway of Emmanuel Center, a church near Westminster Abbey, as hundreds of gay protesters yell and shout obscenities at a conference where speakers are offering healing for the homosexual through reparative therapy. Anglican Mainstream sponsors the event.
Chanting "2,4,6,8 there is no cure only hate," protesters, including heavily made up Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, angry gay activists wave placards reading "only prejudice needs a cure", "there is no cure for love", "positive alternative to bigotry", "even Jesus loves gays" and "inside lies obfuscation and despair".
Organizers shout and toot horns, but fail to stop speakers from making presentations that say homosexuality is a choice and that reparative therapy, for those who seek it, could change their same sex attractions and, in many cases, lead to heterosexual marriage.
Psychiatrist, Therapist and Rabbi Say Gays Can Change: "It's all about choice," says Dr. Joe Nicolosi
By David W. Virtue in London
A high police presence and over 100 gay activists failed to prevent participants at a two-day Sex & the City Conference from an opportunity to hear reparative therapist Dr Joseph Nicolosi; psychiatrist, author Dr. Jeffrey Satinover; and JONAH President Arthur Goldberg. The three told their audience that change is not only possible for homosexuals with same-sex attraction, but that thousands of men and women have thrown off homosexual behavior with many marrying and now living normal lives.
"It's all about choice, choice, choice," said Nicolosi. "Individuals have the right to explore their heterosexual potential. It is about freedom of choice. It is about diversity, autonomy, self-determination. The language gays are using, we are using. We say 'who are you to judge, let me decide for my life. I don't want gays telling me I can't change.' All the cliches used by gay activists, we are using for ex-gays."
Nicolosi argues that, at its root, homosexuality is not a sexual problem - it is a gender-identity problem. Normal stages of emotional development have been interrupted, and this can lead to same sex bonding in order to attain affirmation. These relationships tend to implode, leaving the homosexual hurt and confused. Furthermore, Nicolosi claims that there is no such thing as a homosexual, but only heterosexuals that have a homosexual problem. "This may sound like splitting hairs, but it actually opens the door for the dissatisfied homosexual oriented person to change, because such people can begin viewing themselves as fundamentally heterosexual. We have had a great deal of success with this therapeutic approach."
The California therapist ripped gay organizations for their dishonesty in promoting a lifestyle that is ultimately pathological, narcissistic, self-absorbed and offers no hope for people who want to change.
"There is nothing more threatening to the influence of the gay culture and the most threatening influence against the gay culture than the testimony of ex gay persons. The person who says I was once homosexual but I am not one any more threatens to shut down gay activists. Gays believe there are homosexuals and heterosexuals, gays and straights and actually believe God has created two kinds of persons is the great lie. When a person transitions it challenges the line that people are born gay."
"If you believe you are born gay, you are forced to be tolerant. But if you bring in choices, it changes everything."
Nicolosi said it is not about blame or making people feel guilty, but dealing with poor family relationships. "Through therapy people not only change (as a result of therapy) but actually we have seen people change out of homosexuality on their own. Many homosexual people have transitioned out of homosexuality to heterosexuality through psycho therapeutic help. People say 'I don't want to live a gay lifestyle it is not satisfying to me and I believe there is more. I want to develop my heterosexual potential'. These are people who then say can you help me."
Nicolosi said there is no gay gene. It is a myth. "They (the scientists) have never found a gay gene in 35 years. There is much more evidence that it is environmentally caused and our clients are looking at their childhood experiences. That is their right to do. Their dream and desire is to have a conventional marital life, that is there goal and we want to support those people."
Nicolosi said he has been helping people to "increase their heterosexual potential" for 25 years, and puts his success rate among men at about two out of three.
"It is not the absent father, but the non-responsiveness of the father. It is when the father shuts downs and rejects the boy's masculine striving and he shames the boy in his strivings to become a man. That boy will find some male to connect with. It is the negative experience of the father that destroys him and pushes him towards men who offer him homosexual sex as a way out."
Nicolosi said that most hostility comes from gay activists who think change is harmful, but "we have a great deal of evidence showing that these individuals are not harmed and that the therapy does work."
"One third of boys who think they are homosexual were abused by older boys, a relative or family member. It is same sex abuse. It is no surprise that gay activists are lobbying for the lowering of the age of consent." Nicolosi said that in its early stages, it is not about sex but about desire. Homosexuality is compensatory; heterosexuality is about complementarity. If fathers don't hug their sons, some other man will."
"Homosexual behavior is an attempt to repair heterosexuality, so reparative therapy is repairing the breach made in heterosexual relationships. We are not wired to be homosexual. Our homosexuality is my way to get my emotional identification needs meet and to get them in inauthentic ways. A totally secure man won't have sex with you. Nicolosi said the churches are beginning to understand this. The church can help by offering mentoring programs for men."
He made the following observations:
* 50% of teenagers will change without therapy.
* Gay couples don't last. A study of 165 of the best gay relationships, done by objective scientists, has found that maintaining monogamy does not last for more than five years. It will ruin the relationship. They accept going out on each other. Why? It is about the search for maleness. It is a narcissistic fantasy.
Nicolosi outlined four Gay Myths:
* 10% of the population is homosexual. The figure is 1.5%- 2%.
* You're born gay. Not true. No one is born gay.
* Once gay, always gay. A lie. People can change. "My therapy practice with seven male therapists and a woman therapist is living evidence that people can change.
* Homosexuality is normal in every way. Believing 1+2+3+4 = Total acceptance.
* Informed disapproval does not mean "homophobia". Homophobia is an irrational fear of homosexuals. If you have a fear, then you need help. Most people do not fear homosexuals.
* Gay vs. Homosexual. There is no such thing as a homosexual. Homosexuality is a gender identity disorder. Tolerance is not the same thing as approval. We should not approve of a behavior God does not approve.
The therapist said the most common example of persons calling themselves homosexual is what he called the Classic Triadic Relationship. The mother is over emotionally involved, dominant, strong personality. The father is quiet, withdrawn, non-expressive and/or hostile. The son is temperamentally shy, timid, introverted, artistic, imaginative. The result is poor communication between mother and father. The mother has a special relationship with the son while the father's relationship with the son is guarded, ill-at-ease, and antagonistic. "I advise fathers, 'if you don't hug your sons, some other man will."
Nicolosi is convinced that the world's great religious traditions are right: humanity was designed for gender-complementary coupling. The mental-health associations must respect this viewpoint; to do otherwise is a gross violation of worldview diversity as well as the client's right to freedom and self-determination.
Nicolosi said his organization - the National Association of Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) is petitioning the American Psychiatric Association to look at the scientific data. The two-day conference being held in central London is organized by Anglican Mainstream. While the Church of England does not promote such therapies, Anglican Mainstream believes such an approach needs to become better known so that the Church can reach out to men and women caught in a variety of sexual addictions.
You can see a BBC-TV interview with Dr. Joe Nicolosi here: http://www.ccfon.org/mediacentre.php?avid=197&avap=1