http://pfox.org/blog/ For the Ex-Gay Community en-us Nucleus CMS v3.22 © Weblog http://backend.userland.com/rss http://pfox.org/blog//nucleus/nucleus2.gif http://pfox.org/blog/ http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=13 From: "Ryan, Derrick K"
To:
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2007 1:11 PM

Regina,

As a gay teacher I am appalled by your organization. Remember, HOMOPHOBIA is the problem for gay-related issues, NOT being gay. I hope you take a long look in the mirror one day and realize that you have no scientific information to back up anything you do. I can't believe you would think a person can change their sexuality. Can a white person turn black? I don't think so. STAY OUT OF OUR SCHOOLS AND LEAVE OUR CHILDREN ALONE!


Derrick K. Ryan
Spanish Teacher
Wootton High School
Spanish III Honors & IV
Co-sponsor: Gay-Straight Alliance & National Spanish Honor Society
Rockville, MD


www.mcps.k12.md.us
www.concordialanguagevillages.org
(summer language-learning program!)


"Without teachers,
no other profession would exist."

"Vivir para contarla"
-Márquez
]]> General http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=13 Mon, 28 May 2007 11:25:04 -0400 http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=12 would be hunky dory if I could justify my parents' gay lifestyle.

I've found through my extensive web surfing on the issue that there
is one phrase repeated constantly when kids are asked about problems -
it's always the "homophobic society." Bet you most of them probably
couldn't explain what that means to them. It's these so-called
support groups telling them to have pride in their parents and anyone
who disagrees is a homophobe.
]]> General http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=12 Mon, 28 May 2007 08:20:02 -0400 http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=11 I have been HIV positive for 15 years.

During my transition out of homosexuality, I received lots of support from ex-gay organizations that help people like me with unwanted same sex attraction. Students should know ex-gays like me exist. We should not be excluded from the community or censored in schools. We are a loving people, tolerant of everyone. God loves both gays and ex-gays.

I wish I had known about alternatives to homosexuality when I was in high school. It might have made a difference in my life and things could have turned out differently. Students should have all options about homosexuality presented to them.

Educators and parents, please don't make the same mistake.
]]> General http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=11 Tue, 15 May 2007 10:09:50 -0400 http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=10
It was sad though that all three parents only could placate their children's behavior because this made the children happy at this part of their young life [6, 10 and 15]. They dressed the boys as girls and the girl as a boy. There was no mention of former transgenders or an alternative way of treatment. The message was that all three children faced a future of unhappiness because of essentially trying to fit into an unrealistic lifestyle. However, It was obvious that the parents were wimps. They were only doing what was easy at that moment in time instead of confronting the situation. So the parents could only try to defend themselves by saying that they are "loving" their children and letting them be who they are (when they are not being who they are)!

--Rita
]]> General http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=10 Sat, 12 May 2007 20:36:46 -0400 http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=9
Notice that I have used the word 'choice' more than once. Deciding to act as a lesbian was a conscious decision I made. I knew that I really was not gay, but lesbianism seemed like it might be a cool role to play. I became enticed by homosexual images presented by the media. Being gay was
gaining popularity. Some of the hippest, artsy, theatrical, vegetarian young people were gay--just my crowd.

Since I was a little girl, boys had crushes on me and I had crushes on boys. However, I was raised in a protective environment; my father looked out for me and made sure that boys didn't take advantage. I was not even allowed to date--even in high school. I wanted to know what I was missing out on, so I decided to rebel. I went off the edge of morality. I decided to date boys, without my father knowing. To this day, I'm sorry that I was not obedient to him.

I was heading downhill on the road of rebellion--without brakes. Getting a tattoo and a piercing did not feel shocking enough, so I chose lesbianism as the ultimate shocker. Besides, lesbianism was something that straight girls were doing, in order to have more 'sex appeal' for the guys. Guys started to talk about how hot it would be to see two girls kiss--and some straight girls [like me] would go that far to please a guy.

In high school, lesbianism was just role-play; a couple of times I had a gay kiss, but not much more. It would feel abnormal and somewhat disturbing; the first gay kiss was kind of like the first time I tried alcohol: just like with drinking, an intoxicating feeling would come over me and lesbianism began to feel like an addiction and a sickness.

I gave up lesbianism because it made me feel sad, empty, unfulfilled, depleted, and very unnatural. However, years later, as a junior in college, after reading piles of lesbianism fiction, I decided to give it another try. In lesbian fiction, same-sex relations seemed so wonderful; in reality, it was nothing but mental confusion.

After a series of heterosexual break-ups, I thought lesbianism would be easier than going through the process of emotional healing, so in my pain, homosexuality, along with alcohol and cigarettes, became my fix. However, that "fix" was a total failure. I used lesbianism as a way to make myself
unavailable to men--so they could look, but never touch. I was becoming an ultra-feminist, and believed that males were oppressive, so I foolishly thought that lesbianism would liberate me!

Today I live a healthy life, free from addiction and homosexuality. Of course, even the thought of acting as a lesbian, is an impossibility for me. Just imagine doing something way off color, and out of character; that is what lesbianism is like for a hetero-female. I can not think of one good
lesbianhood memory; it would be like trying to find good in addiction or illness. True liberation happened for me through COOL [Coming Out Of Lesbianism].


]]> General http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=9 Sat, 12 May 2007 20:25:44 -0400 http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=8
In my husband's case, giving into his "feelings" lost him his family, and his friends. I've sat with some of his former friends who actually cried with grief over his new identity. I truly, don't believe these old friends walked out on my husband but that he walked out on them. What he was doing and expecting from them was just too painful. I know because I walked away not only because of what his actions were doing to me, but because I couldn't stand by and watch him "kill" the man he was. In my presence my then-husband was given the chance to work through his feelings by at least three qualified therapists but he point blank refused help. He got support from the homosexual community to live the lie and lose his sanity completely.

I am now aware that as hard as it is to "cure" a transexual, it is possible for them to realize that it is their mind that is lieing to them, not their bodies. I moderate a group for wives of cross-dressers and transexuals on the internet. Our husband's stories are so similar, it is almost like they are all the same men. Yet, some of the husbands have realized that change is possible and have embraced health. I am not saying that they don't struggle and have set backs. That is the norm. But with the right kind of determination, the support of a good therapist, a "tough-loving" family and a Big God, these men can take hold of their manhood again.

The really sad thing about men (and women) like my ex-husband who refuse to face the truth is that sooner or later the truth will catch up with them. After years of living the lie, most of them will realize that changing their bodies will not make them happier, healthier or better people and that the cost of indulging in their self-absorbed fantasies is far greater then the cost of facing the truth.

Thank you for supporting the truth that change is possible. Thank you for supporting the truth that even if the "feelings" don't change that people don't have to indulge in an unhealthy, physically and mentally, lifestyle.

Candace


]]> General http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=8 Sat, 17 Mar 2007 13:18:12 -0400 http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=7 Yes, I have an ex-gay story too.

I am a man. I was born and raised in Fresno, California and just like everyone else, I was faced with daily challenges. I come from a family of five, three sisters and one brother, me being the oldest. We were a poor family that survived on welfare and lived in affordable housing. My mother and father separated before I was born, two years later after she gave birth to my sister, my mother met my stepfather.

Being young and from unstable homes my parents partied a lot, I remember the physical and verbal fights that took place, which has scared me till this day. My sister and I were left unattended many times and with strangers my parents trusted. On one occasion my mom’s youngest brother stayed home with me and my sister to watch us as she went to run errands, I was four years old when my uncle took me aside and asked me to pull my pants down and threatened me to never say a word, I didn’t until I was twelve and my mother would not believe me for years said that I was too young to remember any of this happening. Incest took place with an older cousin years later and went on for a time without any family members ever knowing.

The relationship between my mom and I was very close growing up and I saw her as a friend that I could tell anything to, unfortunately being the oldest I was also the shoulder she cried on regularly when my stepdad was abusive. So my relationship with my stepfather was very distant, although I tried to love him and wanted for him to stop being so cruel and just love me, hold me, tell me that I was somebody. I have always had a deep need for his approval and acceptance, never felt I got that as a child or early teenage years.

Junior and high schools were difficult for me in trying to find my identity, because at this time I knew that I was attracted to boys and had a longing to be comforted by them. Wasn’t long after when I engaged in my first sexual encounter by a much older man, I was intimidated and scared for my life, but from that point on the curiosity I had for being with men grew. Not much longer after this episode I fell into soliciting myself around a local adult bookstore, which was within walking distance from where I lived. This was also the first place I found acceptance from others that had the same desires to be with men.

I came out to my mom and stepdad when I was 17 years old, relieved by their reactions to not disown me. By this time the countless number of sexual hook ups was overwhelming, I enjoyed what I was doing, the free alcohol and drugs was fun, but I kept that part of my life a secret for years out of shame. March 27, 1998 was the day I will never forget, as I was taken into a room while under the influence of methamphetamine to be given results that I was HIV positive. The drugs then progressed, with me wanting to take my life and die but scared because I believed that I was now given the judgment to eternal life in hell, that God hates Fags. Many in and out of the church are still using this statement, which is very ignorant. After I recovered from this news I went straight back to a gay community of acceptance, clubs, social gatherings in the parks and streets. I was naive to think that it wouldn’t get worse. Four years later I was diagnosed with full blown AIDS, Hepatitis C and colon cancer.


A year before I told my mom I was gay, she had given her life to the Lord, and told me throughout the years how much Jesus loved me, that no sin is greater than another. I always knew that homosexuality was not the norm. But I also knew that these feelings I had were not a choice. January 2003 I accepted Our Lord Jesus Christ as my personal Savior, in a time where I was unsure how much longer I had to live because of AIDS and desperately needed assurance that I wouldn’t go to hell. Every opportunity I had to go church I was there praying asking God to save me from a gay life that I had never asked for. His Holy Spirit poured down on my life and took all away my pain, hurt, resentment, hate, drug addiction, sickness, prostitution and an identity of being gay. Through His grace and mercy and most importantly His Love I have Freedom from being bound by sin.

God has healed me physically from Hepatitis C and colon cancer and this is only the beginning. I still have a positive result of the HIV virus in my blood, but Jesus Christ specializes in blood. I believe God moves in steps with us and through all that I have endured and challenges I have faced, this has built my faith up where I am learning to trust God My Father, not a report given by a doctor. I’m still a work in process and am taking it one prayer at a time. The love that was given through His Son Jesus Christ when He willingly died and sacrificed His flesh and blood on a cross for our sins to be forgiven can never be bought nor compromised.

Today, it has been over 3 years since I have surrendered my gay life. God has lead me to share my testimony to thousands on the Internet, church outreaches, schools and various religious functions. I am currently the Director of the Red Ribbon AIDS Project which is a ministry that not only Educates and Prevents the spread of HIV/AIDS, but helps direct and assist individuals who tested positive with the HIV/AIDS virus. I know I have so many dreams and goals but most importantly Eternal Life in Heaven that would have never have been possible without God being #1 in my life.

-- Daniel

A copy of this article is online at:
pfox.org/phpbb/viewtopic.php?p=147
]]> General http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=7 Sat, 17 Feb 2007 15:05:34 -0500 http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=6 Sam's Ex-Gay Story

Well I was molested starting as a young boy from age 8 to 17...which sounds weird but what happened was that I became so afraid because the guy who did it was so much stronger and stern. All those years I did not tell anyone because I was afraid. I thought I could move on with life without facing the truth. Constantly hearing the words gay...fag...homosexual...queer...weirdo...ringing in my ears...I started to believe it...I wondered why God made me different and would allow this to happen to me.


I was brought up in the church...loved God but was confused. I could not understand why this was worse than any other sin. Did God understand my feelings? I tried to date females to cover up the shame...but never lasted...finally I thought that the only way to be loved was to go into homosexuality and give pleasures to that person. So I feel into giving it up to a guy...

God is still working on me in so many areas of my life. To keep it short and to the point...if God can be merciful upon me and still take me back though I doubt many times...he can do it for anyone else. A person has to first be open with God and allow God to work on you...to be able to take those hurts and pains into testimonies. It is not easy but with God all things are possible. Homosexuality was a bondage for me.

Though many Christians do not show love to homosexuals...those of us that God has delivered needs to show the church what they are doing and show the homosexuals God's love.

This is my story in a small package...Take Care!

-- Sam

Do you also have an ex-gay story to tell? Email it to: pfox@pfox.org


]]> General http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=6 Tue, 13 Feb 2007 19:44:50 -0500 http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=5 Calling on all ex-gays to tell their stories!!
Email them to pfox@pfox.org
Let's start with Michael:

I will never forget this one time when dad took me to Kindergarten on his bicycle. It is my most
early memory of interaction with him (or lack thereof). He took me into his big strong arms and put
me on the ground and held my hand as we walked into the kindergarten together.
Then he just walked off.

I cried and was sent home because of the sadness/rejection I felt. Little did I know why poor dad
was so closed off emotionally. Back when my dad grew up, he never had so much as a hug from
his father, who only talked to him when he wanted to say something critical. He grew up feeling
like a sissy in front of the others because of some of the messages he received early in childhood, eg 'boys don't cry.'

Having learnt to be ashamed of expressing the emotional truth of his pain at having been denied
love and intimacy from an excessively critical father who placed value only on his son's ability to
have 'kids;' dad had children that he was not adequately prepared to raise properly. I just wanted him to hold me.

After the bike ride incident I think I instinctively recoiled away from dad in order to not feel the sting of what I perceived to be; being 'rejected' by him. As a consequence I think I drifted further and further away from my own masculine heritage, especially seeing as I was living with mum mostly; as they were divorced. I never felt like I belonged closely with dad.

When I hit puberty, I remember feeling absolutely terrified when I saw my friend's developing
genitals as we were using the urinal during sports. This now, to me, validates that I was drifting
further away and becoming increasingly alienated from my perceived 'rejecting' source of masculine identity (my dad); which recurred as the shock of seeing my friend in this way, even though boys going to the toilet together and even comparing each other's 'manhood' is supposed to be a normal thing, it was something I found intimidating at the time; I missed out on feeling comfortable enough with myself (and him) to be able to experience this potentially celebratory aspect of life.

Perhaps I just so badly wanted to feel safe enough to be able to talk 'brother to brother' about
our developing into 'adults' together, yet held back because, having drifted away from my masculine roots, It was almost as if inside a memory was triggered, as if I was being reminded that I had never felt a sense of belonging around dad (or other men), as if something must be 'wrong' with me. As a result my journey through physical development was mainly a lonely, scary affair. Seeing my friend like this I felt almost as if I was a girl being indecently exposed to a man.

This was also the beginning of that alienated feeling I had around my peers.

When I first started to feel very sad and alone in life, as a teenager, as though something were
missing; I did not know what to do so I went to a community counselor. Had I not gone there, the
then vulnerable me might not have been guided to the 'young and gay' group where I met the person who was to rape me under coercion.

Combined with the fact that he had refused to wear a condom, and that he was indeed very rough with me; he had also explained shortly after penetrating me, how he'd recently attempted suicide because of his certainty that he might very well have aids. I remembered how, after the incident just after leaving his house, I had briefly thought something like 'what if he did have aids?' I had then told myself that I was being 'unrealistic,' and immediately purchased some alcohol to 'blot out the memory' (kill some brain cells.)

Of course I had not seen him for months since it happened, because I was too busy living in that
strange dreamland of self-verification and drugs, (you know that brief and fleeting sense of relief /
achievement, that you have finally 'made it,' that you've had sex now and are now part of the crowd, you are now a 'man' and 'worthy of existence,' that all people who base their self-worth on such accomplishments feel?) I had forgotten all about it (running way from myself.)

I remembered the bleeding and how I had to yell 'stop' several times just so he would get out of me because of the pain. Although thankfully my AIDS test came back negative, the trauma I experienced during this 'window-period' left emotional scars.

I never fully embraced homosexuality as an identity. I always knew a human being's genitals do not determine who they are. I did still lack the need I had for 'masculine' love, and wanted someone to hold. After spending one or two years briefly wallowing around in the mire of superficiality and the constant judging that compose 'homosexual life,' adjusting my appearance by going to the gym hour after hour just to feel barely acceptable, only made me feel worse!

Rigorous soul searching led me to a simple answer: "Homosexuality is based on sex and not love values." I also realized that homosexuality has turned something that is supposed to be sanctified and private (lovemaking) into something that is not just morally degrading, but also something that is as brief as a handshake, and as meaningless as an empty stare. So it was time for me to get in touch with my own source of love, not sex; if I didn't want to be so desperately unhappy all the time.

Although this is not exclusively limited to just 'homosexuality', it is by default the always and
unfailingly 100% intrinsic part of homosexuality. In my opinion the act of real lovemaking involves
a man and a woman, wanting to give nothing but pleasure to their partner and expecting absolutely nothing in return; so that children can grow up into stable surroundings with two parents that love each other. Real lovemaking to me, does not involve two people using each other to feed their man-fuelled sex-addiction, a retarded growth of increasingly lost and lonely vicious-circle desperation borne out of arrested man-to-man-intimacy development. That is why it should be illegal, I think.

I read a book (The Way home or face The Fire - A.J.Hill) describing the three different kinds of sex :

a) sex -pure animal lust
b) sex with feeling
c) love

No amount of the first two could ever equal the third!

My rage is mostly towards the so called 'professionals' of the system, and the stupid articles that
I see in my local newspaper, trying to portray homosexual adolescents as these poor, injusticed,
brave and noble people. I feel sick when I see the pro-homosexual youth outreach workers being
portrayed as 'noble fighters for the underdog' and I feel like crying. To me they are like wolves hiding in the scrub on the side of a paddock filled with sheep.

I have never had much success with people politically and have since decided that people have to decide what they want to believe for themselves. I can only recommend stuff to myself. Aside from this, I believe that homosexuals can not be 'changed.' If, because people are out there, doing it, they are only doing it to themselves and I realized that; even though I may feel very strongly about it, I don't have to take this personally. Maybe sad, but this, only my opinion, is the only way people can learn and change; by themselves.

No one likes to have their belief system attacked, to be told "What you do is wrong," but
unfortunately many people are being led astray and I believe I can only be there for them by
permitting them to learn from the natural consequences of their actions, and letting go, as painful
and sadistic or 'resigned' as that plan may sound. Knowledge and defense only, never attack;
which makes it worse. The way I see it, in terms of 'fighting' for what I believe to be right, so that
homosexuality can be properly and widely recognized as the 'negative support' that it truly is, all
one can do to dissuade it is by either setting people a good example, or by shunning them to
make them ashamed of their ways and then loving them into changing.

I know that all I have to do is continue to be me - I believe homosexuality is a bad lifestyle for my
own good - and I certainly do not condone it for anyone. People latch on and tune in if they're ready.

In terms of 'straightening myself out' I don't really believe that I need to change at all. For me it was simply recognizing the core issue of why my own father was not available for me at the time, and having compassion for him, instead of remaining the little kid inside who, because he had never really understood, out of no fault of his own had distanced and defended himself against further perceived rejections from dad and drifted even further away from him. It was time for me to return.

Michael
]]> General http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=5 Sun, 11 Feb 2007 18:36:08 -0500 http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=4
CONTACT:
John Garza
301.706.5557

PARENT GROUP ASKS STATE TO HALT MONTGOMERY COUNTY’S
NEW SEX ED PROGRAM

MONTGOMERY COUNTY, MD – A grassroots organization of parents and concerned citizens has petitioned Maryland’s State Board of Education, asking it to reverse a recent decision of MC’s Board of Education to pilot a controversial sex ed curriculum in 6 schools at the 8th and 10th grade levels this spring. The curriculum was developed by the Montgomery County Public School staff which reports to the county’s BOE. The board approved the new curriculum on January 9th.

Citizens for a Responsible Curriculum is being joined in the petition by Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays (PFOX), and Family Leader Network.

The request is the latest step in an ongoing dispute between CRC and the county’s BOE over the tone, scientific veracity, and extent of sex education in the county which began in 2005 when CRC and PFOX sued Montgomery County’s BOE in Federal Court. After a favorable ruling by Judge Alexander Williams, the Board withdrew the curriculum and started from scratch.

However, CRC is claiming the lessons still violate students’ Constitutional rights including freedom of speech and the right to exercise one’s religion freely. CRC is also claiming that they are in contradiction to Maryland’s Constitution, state laws and the county BOE’s own policies.

Specifically, CRC opposes lessons that assert homosexual behavior as natural and morally correct. The lessons demand universal affirmation by students of the gay lifestyle, even if it is contrary to their religious beliefs. Several parents have already come forward to claim that this would violate the religious beliefs of their family. This is especially troubling to CRC because it believes the school system seeks to be the chief arbiter of a student’s moral teachings. “This violates a student’s rights under the First Amendment to hold his or her own belief and even to express it,” according to John Garza, attorney for CRC. Parents fear that their child will be labeled “homophobic” for expressing a contrary point of view. “Not allowing other perspectives is viewpoint discrimination, which was one of the complaints in our 2005 suit,” he added.

He also points out an obvious contradiction in the school’s sex ed curriculum which teaches 8th and 10th graders that homosexuality is innate, even though there are no scientifically valid studies to back the claim up. Yet, the curriculums’ eighth grade lesson acknowledges: “sexual orientation results from an interaction of cognitive, environmental, and biological factors.” The petition cites the fact that there are no DNA or medical tests which determine a person’s orientation at birth.

In addition, the curriculum includes discussion of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, but excludes any information on ex-gays. “The BOE tells gays, lesbians and bisexuals that their sexual orientation is healthy and normal, while denying the existence of those who are ex-gay or attempting to overcome same-sex attractions, a clear case of “viewpoint discrimination,” which Judge Williams in the 2005 case criticized heavily,” according to Garza. He cites the fact that MCPS blocks student’s access to PFOX’s website on school computers as further proof of the Board’s bias against ex-gays and the extremes it will go to censor information which does not present a positive view of homosexuality. Ironically, the section on sexual orientation is entitled “Respect for Differences in Human Sexuality.”

CRC especially faults the new curriculum for introducing homosexuality and anal sex as just another option without discussing the risks. The curriculum presents condoms as effective protection for anal sex while significantly underplaying health risks of homosexual behavior and anal sex. Anal sex is much more dangerous in terms of AIDS/HIV transmission than vaginal sex, according to Dr. Ruth Jacobs, an infectious disease specialist. Dr. Jacobs is CRC’s representative on the CAC. She presented the BOE with a petition then signed by over 200 county physicians asking that the new sex ed curriculum disclose the high health risks of anal intercourse. The petition now includes the names of 271 area doctors.

Since news of the new curriculum was released, parents have been flocking to CRC, according to Theresa Rickman, the organization’s secretary and membership director. “Parents have been calling and emailing us wanting to know how they can help and who they can contact in their child’s school. We are getting more and more volunteers as the word gets out.”

CRC's appeal to the state board may be found on the group’s site: www.mcpscurriculum.com

]]> General http://pfox.org/blog/index.php?itemid=4 Thu, 8 Feb 2007 21:52:25 -0500