PFOX Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays


A Mom Speaks Out

Nevertheless by Mark Rutland


The message of this book is that no matter what is happening or what you see in your life, God is the God of the “Nevertheless”. My two favorite words in the Bible are “But God”. I think it means the same thing as “Nevertheless”.

On page 49 of this 85-page book these words were like a bullet to my heart:

"This is great hope for all the waiting, praying, hurting Christians with loved ones busily building nightmares in the far country. You survey the crowd they run with, the atmosphere and the times, and despair like fist pummels your faith. “Look,” says the father of lies, “your daughter is a lesbian who listen only to lesbians. How could she ever hear, let alone repent and come home?” Remember, she is no more unlikely a candidate that those who believed Paul’s message on Mars Hill. (Acts 17:34) Dionysius and Damaris were real people, individuals with real names, who were surrounded by the smug, deadening ether of intellectualism and stoic amorality. Despite all that, they believed. Why shouldn’t your daughter. Remember your daughter has something Dionysius and Demaris did not – You praying and saying the word of faith – Nevertheless.

I went out to the beach despite the strong wind and began to praise and shout to the Lord, “nevertheless”.

The next week I was privileged to be a part of a training conference. The Holy Spirit spoke to my mind and my heart these words, “Your daughter is Mine – I bring My children home. I have called her by name. She was chosen from the foundation of the world.”

I spent some time getting to know a lady from the church that was sponsoring the retreat.

Our conversation took a very unexpected turn when she casually mentioned that when she was younger she had not been a very good girl. She aligned herself with the gay lifestyle and had been in a lesbian relationship. She was now married and had two girls, one in college and one in high school. We spent a couple of hours talking and I shared about our daughter, Christine.

I mentioned to her that Christine had been featured in an article in Glamour Magazine last year and was on Good Morning America. Christine had once aligned herself with the Gay community (1994) and then wanted to come out of that and we had helped her move to Denver area (1998) so she could hook up with some organizations that minister to ex-gays. Some time in 2003 or 2004 Christine decided that the therapy didn’t work. She also decided that, as she talked to others who were struggling, the whole agendas for the ministries do more damage than good. I gave her the name of Christine’s blog so that she could read the article if she wanted to. We finished our time with prayer.

Later that evening Debbie, our speaker, was systematically giving prophetic words to every woman in the room. She came prepared with a small tape recorder and 30 tapes, one for each woman. Connie, my friend and I were the last to be given prophetic words because Debbie said that it is the hardest to give words to someone you know because, you know them too well. The following is ¼ of the word she gave to me.

“Jeanette, I am going to tell you this picture that I saw when you were worshiping back here with me. And then I am going to ask God what else He wants to say because I was arguing with Him about this, and I know that He won’t give me any thing else until I say this. What I saw was this body that was lifeless and laying and that God was resurrecting it and lifting it up. That thing that you have been praying for in your daughter’s life will be resurrected and raised back and restored, to not give up on that. It was as if she was, as if she was Snow White, who’s just been asleep to the truth that Christine had eaten the poisoned apple and it was the lie of the enemy. But that when true love’s kiss from her King comes, will be awakened and will be resurrected and will walk in that new life and restoration will come in the name of Jesus.”

When Debbie said Snow White, there was an audible sound behind us. “Snow that’s it, snow.” Those words came from my new friend. It seems that as she prayed earlier God had given her a prophetic act to perform with me and she was sure that I would think she is a bit loony. When the speaker was finished, my new friend came up to me and asked me if I knew what a loon was. I said it was a bird. She went on to say this is going to sound loony but she felt that we, her and I were to go out side and make snow angels. Even though it was the third weekend in April, it was snowing. So we went out and made snow angels, threw snow in the air and praised the Lord. Neither of us knew exactly what it meant, we just did it.

Later that evening as I prepared for sleep, I noticed that I was missing one of my heart earrings. My friend Connie and I looked everywhere. We gave up the search and went to bed. The next morning we continued to look for the earring as we packed and prepared for our departure after the morning meeting.

Upon arriving home I opened my e-mail and Shar had sent me an e-mail that the prized earring was found. They actually found it in the bathroom. Connie and I had searched the bathroom several time, because she kept saying I think it’s there. We even picked through the garbage can piece by piece, yuck.

Monday morning when I was having my quiet time, writing in my journal about the previous weekend It became clear to me that the lost earring (heart shaped, and my favorite) was a prophetic picture. The heart represented Christine and that which was lost was found. No matter how hard I looked for it, I could not find it. It was a reminder to me that there is nothing I can do in the natural, BUT in spiritual, I can pray and she will be found.

Jeanette Bakke