Sperm Bank Children Tell Their Stories
I had two moms and no Dad as a child. Children accept their parents
out of love and respect - and to not accept them would be to devalue
their own self-image. When I was younger, I put on the facade of
acceptance of my gay moms because that is what I had to do to
function even though I had doubts.
I feel that I need to speak against gay parenting because it's being
promoted as this great and wonderful thing. While most children of
gays will admit they've experienced more difficulties than their
counterparts, the message they're sending is that we turned out
normal so it's okay - and the excess battle scars, we just take them
in stride and wear them with pride. But what's worse is that now
they're on the frontlines with their parents trying to reconstruct a
“homophobic” society. But it's not society that's homophobic - it's
nature itself. No matter how good two same-sex parents are, a child
who was conceived by insemination yearns to know where they came
from. It is human instinct.
Plus, when I was younger and unable to comprehend what insemination
was, I used to wonder if it was gross for my mom to make me because
she didn’t like men. Then there are some whose family went through a
divorce when their parent came out and wonder if they would be here
if their parent had been "true" to their sexuality. And how is a
girl’s self worth affected when she sees that her two dads don’t
like women? Or that a boy’s two moms don’t like men? It's not in the
best interest of children to be put in this situation. I wish people
would stop making it an issue of whether the child turns out normal
and start realizing that this is about the child carrying an
unnecessary burden because they have gay parents.
After my mom’s partner died, she got married – to a man. While my
mom hasn't discussed the process of her change from gay to straight,
she is happy. I am happy for her because she took the steps
necessary to change her emotional well being and mine as well.
I Wish My Parents Weren’t Gay
As a child, I wasn't brave enough to say what I really feel and made
some statements that I wish I could take back - that kid in me again
wanting to believe that everything would be hunky dory if I could
justify my parents' gay lifestyle.
I've found through my extensive web surfing on the issue that there
is one phrase repeated constantly when kids are asked about problems
-it's always the "homophobic society." Bet you most of them probably
couldn't explain what that means to them. It's these so-called
support groups telling them to have pride in their parents and
anyone who disagrees is a homophobe.
But I Wanted a Dad
I was created by artificial insemination and raised by two moms. In my experience, children like me are torn between their real love for their moms and the need to put on a facade--not only for the outside society--but for their own moms, as well. Fears, anxiety, the longing to know your missing biological parent, the absence of a strong sense of protection replaced by obligation to stick up for your moms who become the designated victims in the family, the difficulties relating to men and to forming families yourself (falling in love with the opposite sex can feel like betraying your family) -- these feelings of children of gay parents are as unacceptable in the gay community as lesbian moms are in the larger society. Even therapists reject your complex feelings (mine explained they are not really my feelings, only the result of something called "homophobia.")We children of this social experiment are encouraged to suppress our own voices and validate the voices of our mothers. This is not about gay people being bad parents. This is about children carrying an unnecessary burden. Although I am thankful for the love and care both my moms provided, I would never endorse other children suffering the same emotional distress I did as a child.